Letter to me

I was listening to the radio today and the Brad Paisley song "Letter to Me" came on.  You know- the one that goes "If I could write a letter to me and send it back in time to my self at 17.... yadda yadda yadda"?  Well I was wondering what a pre-mommy phase letter to myself would look like so I'm going to write one.  Here goes....

Dear Talia,

Your life is about to be blown out of the water.  BOOM!!  Nothing you have ever known or enjoyed will be the same again.  You better start getting used to that idea and by "getting used to it" I mean imagine running through a dark maze at night while you're being yelled at, and things are being thrown at you.  In fact in order to prepare properly for mother hood maybe you should literally run through a dark maze while kids are screaming at you, throwing spaghetti, puking, pooping, tripping you, and sucker punching you right in the boobs.  Then when you've cleared the maze, I want you to lay down and take a nap because you'll be exhausted.  Yep just take a nap right there.  HA HA JUST KIDDING.  Get up you sucker and keep running that maze and never stop.  Yep.  N E V E R   S T O P .

For the most part, your days will be the same.  One kid will be tracking mud through the house while the other kid is squirting Capri Sun all over your new couch, the toilet will miraculously "self fill" to the brim with poop and toilet paper (because who doesn't need an ENTIRE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER to clean their bum???), one kid will be puking all over the place while the other is running through your neighborhood in their underwear, the dog will need to be let out every 5 seconds, the dishes will be never ending, there will be boogers wiped up the wall, bills will need to be paid, toe nails will need clipping (dog included), scrapes and scratches will need tending to, a shower will only be out of necessity because lets be honest - you stink like burned grilled cheese sandwiches and a hot n' ready pizza, breakfast, lunch, and dinner will need to be made, homework will need to be done, endless diapers will need changing, there will be screaming and wailing and gnashing of teeth, dinner will be a gag fest because PINTEREST LIED, tub time will be a flood of water, tears, and screaming (mostly from you), one kid won't be able to go to sleep because his pillow "smells funny" and he "feels incomplete without knowing why the earth spins in space", all while the other kid is hiding under the bunk bed drinking a 3 day old sippy giggling to himself because he knows you're too fat and tired to drag him out.

Yep, I think that about covers it.  Did I mention that you have a ginger kid?  Yep he's as ginger as they come and has the temper of a thousand gingers.   Good luck!




  1. This is AWESOME!!!!! Lol lol lol!!!!! Now just add 3 more and you've entered into MY world....... IF you dare that is ...... Lol ;) I still think that if I were to make a collage of all of the times just my 2 "poop players" had a hankerin to "finger paint" with their poop, it would make THE BEST birth control add out there! Thank goodness only 2 of them went thru THAT phase. I wouldn't be here anymore if all of them were so "talented" lol lol

  2. Oh Talia I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Funny but it's all true as all mothers know. I love how you put it into such witty words. Thanks for sharing. Loved it!